There are some hurts to deep for words.
There is some gut wrenching, soul tearing, pain which cannot be verbalized...
Only wept.
Only screamed.
Only prayed.
Oh God, even in my darkest hour You are with me. Your right hand upholds me and is my strength.
You are my portion, my fuel, my need, my hope, all that I cling to.
As tears run rivers down my cheeks, love wells up in my heart...
I will not let this bitter root grow in me.
No I refuse to succomb to distress, pain, agony...
I choose LOVE.
LOVE covers a multitude of sins.
LOVE protects.
LOVE hopes.
LOVE saves.
As my soul longs for peace, the Lord is my Shalom.
Shalom.
Shalom.
Shalom.
Nothing can steal my Shalom.
Nothing can take away my King.
He cleaves to me like I am one with Him.
He will not be severed.
He will allow no harm to come to me.
He will seal my heart with His kisses.
He will wrap me up inside his strong arms.
He will bottle up my tears....and considers them more precious than gold.
His face will shine on me like the sun.
His gentle hands will hold up my head and wipe my tears away.
I was born to love
through my tears,
I was born to laugh
through my fears.
So do not judge if in my darkest hour, I walk out in love and give myself to others.
Do not be suprised when my dreams lie around me in shattered pieces, I laugh and stand in the face of all my fears....
Love. Love. Love.
Laugh. Laugh. Laugh.
I was born to love through my tears and laugh through my fears.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
153 Days!
I just returned from a weekend getaway with my future husband, and although we did not share a hotel room (because that would be scandalous), I did feel quite like a newlywed as we...
danced under the stars as the soft rain cooled our skin and the river rushed past us
sat side by side (instead of across from) one another in every restaraunt
could not stop holding hands
could not stop looking at one another
could not stop laughing at inside jokes, to the dismay of those nearby
smiled, and pecked, and pinched, and giggled, and whispered as though no one else could see
Despite our separate hotel rooms, every moment was a vision of our future together. Oh how I delight in him! He truly is the apple of my eye!
As he pulls out every chair for me
As the waiter smirks and says, "golly, she is flirting with you," as we leave the restaraunt
As he walks around the car to let me in EVERY time
As he picks up my golf ball instead of making me get it out of the hole
As he lets me "cheat" in put put so I am not too far behind him in points
Wow. My love for him grows. No one is like him. No one compares.
Mrs. Jonah Owens. With great joy I will take his name. May I honour it, as he has honoured me. May I be worthy of his name. Please Jesus, let me make him proud.
danced under the stars as the soft rain cooled our skin and the river rushed past us
sat side by side (instead of across from) one another in every restaraunt
could not stop holding hands
could not stop looking at one another
could not stop laughing at inside jokes, to the dismay of those nearby
smiled, and pecked, and pinched, and giggled, and whispered as though no one else could see
Despite our separate hotel rooms, every moment was a vision of our future together. Oh how I delight in him! He truly is the apple of my eye!
As he pulls out every chair for me
As the waiter smirks and says, "golly, she is flirting with you," as we leave the restaraunt
As he walks around the car to let me in EVERY time
As he picks up my golf ball instead of making me get it out of the hole
As he lets me "cheat" in put put so I am not too far behind him in points
Wow. My love for him grows. No one is like him. No one compares.
Mrs. Jonah Owens. With great joy I will take his name. May I honour it, as he has honoured me. May I be worthy of his name. Please Jesus, let me make him proud.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Dear Ms. Francis
Dear Ms. Francis,
Yes it is true that we only met today, and at the nursing home no less...and yet something about you has struck a chord deep within my heart. I mean, no one else has such piercing blue eyes, especially not the kind that can freeze your soul one moment and melt your heart the next. So what if you yelled at the nurses and told them you would never let the "ugly couple" by your wheelchair which obstructed our path to Miss Ann...so what if you attempted to hit me when I smiled and asked you pleasantly how your day was...so what if you snapped at me when I asked you name and replied, "none of your d%mn business"...afterall, you are 90 years old with "too many grandchildren and great granchildren to be bothered counting".
After our sloppy hellos, you did inform me that you "knew Jesus way before (I) was ever around to scream and whine". You also allowed me to hold your hand (and yelled at Jonah to get his "stinking foot out of the way") and pray for you. You also told me that I pray beautifully.
Most of all, I remember the forlorn look on your face as Jonah and I walked down the corridor to the locked exit....I remember your words echoing behind us "I am their f^c%ing prisoner! They are holding me captive in this place!" The fear and torment in your voice and the confused anguish on your face reminded me why I do not beleive in locking away the elderly. Thank you Ms. Francis for finally letting it be "my business" to know your name (since at first you explicitly informed me it was not my business at all). When I said that I would pray for you I meant it. But even moreso I pray for me, and for my generation, and for our nation. I pray that we would not view our elders as burdens, but instead as wise people with great persepctive and experience and wisdom to offer. Without the elderly in our communities we will lack so much, we will lose so much wisdom and counsel.
Jesus, teach us to love those we so often overlook. Teach us to stop in the hallways of nursing homes and ask angry widows their name....teach us to look at them with love and respect, humility and admiration. Ms. Francis has had children, raised them and now had many descendants. Dear God, forgive us for our pride and the injustice we committ to those who would offer us nothing but great courage and knowledge for the future.
Yes it is true that we only met today, and at the nursing home no less...and yet something about you has struck a chord deep within my heart. I mean, no one else has such piercing blue eyes, especially not the kind that can freeze your soul one moment and melt your heart the next. So what if you yelled at the nurses and told them you would never let the "ugly couple" by your wheelchair which obstructed our path to Miss Ann...so what if you attempted to hit me when I smiled and asked you pleasantly how your day was...so what if you snapped at me when I asked you name and replied, "none of your d%mn business"...afterall, you are 90 years old with "too many grandchildren and great granchildren to be bothered counting".
After our sloppy hellos, you did inform me that you "knew Jesus way before (I) was ever around to scream and whine". You also allowed me to hold your hand (and yelled at Jonah to get his "stinking foot out of the way") and pray for you. You also told me that I pray beautifully.
Most of all, I remember the forlorn look on your face as Jonah and I walked down the corridor to the locked exit....I remember your words echoing behind us "I am their f^c%ing prisoner! They are holding me captive in this place!" The fear and torment in your voice and the confused anguish on your face reminded me why I do not beleive in locking away the elderly. Thank you Ms. Francis for finally letting it be "my business" to know your name (since at first you explicitly informed me it was not my business at all). When I said that I would pray for you I meant it. But even moreso I pray for me, and for my generation, and for our nation. I pray that we would not view our elders as burdens, but instead as wise people with great persepctive and experience and wisdom to offer. Without the elderly in our communities we will lack so much, we will lose so much wisdom and counsel.
Jesus, teach us to love those we so often overlook. Teach us to stop in the hallways of nursing homes and ask angry widows their name....teach us to look at them with love and respect, humility and admiration. Ms. Francis has had children, raised them and now had many descendants. Dear God, forgive us for our pride and the injustice we committ to those who would offer us nothing but great courage and knowledge for the future.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Loving Fiercely
As I lay awake after work each night (or morning, whichever you prefer), I find myself contemplating, philosophizing, mulling, thinking, soaking, looking, figuring, and reminiscing. This life is far too short for all of the above really. I mean, who has time to lie around and think? Not me. Maybe all of this thinking is why I am so tired at work even though I am done with classes until the middle of this month!
Regardless, my mind wanders and I find that I can go anywhere. Almost as though I am a child again. I was an avid reader as a child. I read anything I could get my hands on. Libraries were places I longed to visit on a daily basis. I loved the smell of dusty books and pine shelves. I longed to hide away in one of the long corridors formed by the rows and rows of perfectly organized books. Who knows how or why my affection for books began, all I know is that I poured over books every day. I lived in Avonlea with Anne, I had found the key to the Secret Garden, and was definitely President of The Babysitter's Club. My mind easily escaped to these fantasy worlds, I had vivid imagery of the towns, people, colors, accents, everything, tucked away in my mind and ready to be drawn upon whenever I pleased.
I say all this to provide you with an understanding of my late night/early morning meanderings. Lately, Jesus and I have tucked ourselves away in a different world. No kidding. I fall into my bed exhausted, prepared to melt away in the billowy goodness of my comforter, when He calls my name. It is as though He has written a book for me and I am dancing through the story each evening with Him. Away I go into my dreams, envisioning the future. Jesus takes me to worlds I have never known. He shows Himself to me in so many different ways. A couple nights ago I was staying at my parent's and decided to listen to a song before bed; I pulled out an old favorite: Jonah 33, and listened to a couple of tracks...then these words played:
Everything is trash compared to you!
Over and over again the chorus played and suddenly, I could see Jesus running through the world, into businesses, homes, office buildings, government meetings, hostels, prisons, orphanages...and at each place He was shouting the words of the song: "Everything is trash compared to you!" His voice was so full of passion and love. Some people would stop whatever they were doing and bow down at Jesus's feet. Others completely ignored Him, some wept and fell into His arms, and some stared at Him as though He were an intruder. From place to place, country to country, the King addressed people everywhere the same, and the responses varied little. As I watched this scene play out I began to wonder, why is Jesus saying this to us? Is He calling the trees trash? The Earth He created garbage? Is Jesus saying the only good thing is in humanity? That is when I heard Him speak directly to me:
" No. All of these things are not what they were created to be without humanity. My Father and I worked with the Spirit to create these things for you. Had we merely created the trees, the waters, the Earth, and the animals, all of these things would have very limited value. Through the creation of man, we established worth and value for all of Creation. The existence of everything on Earth is for you. Therefore, if I have not your love, affection, adoration, then what I have created is not serving its purpose. Everything on Earth loses its value when man is unable to see it through its original purpose: Creation created for the pleasure of humanity, Our gift to you. Everything is trash compared to you, My finest, highest creation for which all else was created. This is why you must love one another above all else, and love Me. Fire is in My eyes for My bride because I love you with a fierce, unquenchable love. I will never be satisfied with just moments with you. I lived and died so I could have eternity with you. Seeing things as I see them is your great challenge while on Earth; now you see in part and know in part...love as I do, SarahRuth. Recognize that I view everything as trash compared to my favored ones, my beloved human creation. Love fiercely."
Regardless, my mind wanders and I find that I can go anywhere. Almost as though I am a child again. I was an avid reader as a child. I read anything I could get my hands on. Libraries were places I longed to visit on a daily basis. I loved the smell of dusty books and pine shelves. I longed to hide away in one of the long corridors formed by the rows and rows of perfectly organized books. Who knows how or why my affection for books began, all I know is that I poured over books every day. I lived in Avonlea with Anne, I had found the key to the Secret Garden, and was definitely President of The Babysitter's Club. My mind easily escaped to these fantasy worlds, I had vivid imagery of the towns, people, colors, accents, everything, tucked away in my mind and ready to be drawn upon whenever I pleased.
I say all this to provide you with an understanding of my late night/early morning meanderings. Lately, Jesus and I have tucked ourselves away in a different world. No kidding. I fall into my bed exhausted, prepared to melt away in the billowy goodness of my comforter, when He calls my name. It is as though He has written a book for me and I am dancing through the story each evening with Him. Away I go into my dreams, envisioning the future. Jesus takes me to worlds I have never known. He shows Himself to me in so many different ways. A couple nights ago I was staying at my parent's and decided to listen to a song before bed; I pulled out an old favorite: Jonah 33, and listened to a couple of tracks...then these words played:
Everything is trash compared to you!
Over and over again the chorus played and suddenly, I could see Jesus running through the world, into businesses, homes, office buildings, government meetings, hostels, prisons, orphanages...and at each place He was shouting the words of the song: "Everything is trash compared to you!" His voice was so full of passion and love. Some people would stop whatever they were doing and bow down at Jesus's feet. Others completely ignored Him, some wept and fell into His arms, and some stared at Him as though He were an intruder. From place to place, country to country, the King addressed people everywhere the same, and the responses varied little. As I watched this scene play out I began to wonder, why is Jesus saying this to us? Is He calling the trees trash? The Earth He created garbage? Is Jesus saying the only good thing is in humanity? That is when I heard Him speak directly to me:
" No. All of these things are not what they were created to be without humanity. My Father and I worked with the Spirit to create these things for you. Had we merely created the trees, the waters, the Earth, and the animals, all of these things would have very limited value. Through the creation of man, we established worth and value for all of Creation. The existence of everything on Earth is for you. Therefore, if I have not your love, affection, adoration, then what I have created is not serving its purpose. Everything on Earth loses its value when man is unable to see it through its original purpose: Creation created for the pleasure of humanity, Our gift to you. Everything is trash compared to you, My finest, highest creation for which all else was created. This is why you must love one another above all else, and love Me. Fire is in My eyes for My bride because I love you with a fierce, unquenchable love. I will never be satisfied with just moments with you. I lived and died so I could have eternity with you. Seeing things as I see them is your great challenge while on Earth; now you see in part and know in part...love as I do, SarahRuth. Recognize that I view everything as trash compared to my favored ones, my beloved human creation. Love fiercely."
Friday, June 26, 2009
Come to the Banqueting Table
Come to the banqueting table...
and feast.
Feast on protions of truest, purest love.
Feast on light and truth.
Among all the saints, the Bridegroom walks...
light emanates from His robes of Righteousness.
Every eye watches Him.
His feet blaze like fire,
His eyes burn with consuming love,
passionate kisses sweet like honey fall from His lips to ours.
Oh, this is the banqueting table.
This is the life of love.
Beside me sits my enemy,
the one I had not loved.
Her eyes they are soft and lovely,
forgiving and knowing all truth.
Beside her sits her enemy,
the one she did not love.
And each of us experience the same:
On Earth we separated and severed the Bride,
at His table we are One.
A holy, lovely, pure Bride we are,
feasting with the King.
He sings a song of passionate love to us,
and gives us everything.
and feast.
Feast on protions of truest, purest love.
Feast on light and truth.
Among all the saints, the Bridegroom walks...
light emanates from His robes of Righteousness.
Every eye watches Him.
His feet blaze like fire,
His eyes burn with consuming love,
passionate kisses sweet like honey fall from His lips to ours.
Oh, this is the banqueting table.
This is the life of love.
Beside me sits my enemy,
the one I had not loved.
Her eyes they are soft and lovely,
forgiving and knowing all truth.
Beside her sits her enemy,
the one she did not love.
And each of us experience the same:
On Earth we separated and severed the Bride,
at His table we are One.
A holy, lovely, pure Bride we are,
feasting with the King.
He sings a song of passionate love to us,
and gives us everything.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Thank You Un-named Lee Alumni
A few days ago I was contacted by a Lee Alumni who has chosen to give to Lee students who have extreme financial need. He had recieved my thank you letter and chosen to respond. Over the course of the past few days we have exchanged prayer requests, brief testimonies, and related to one another's college experiences. On my way to work today I received a phone call from said alumni and got the opportunity to talk to him for a few minutes.
Recently, this alumni has had to deal with his father's passing to Heaven. I truly cannot imagine the pain and sorrow he is experiencing as he accepts the loss of his dear friend and father. These words remained with me throughout my shift today at work:
Alumni: My dad always introduced me as his son and best friend. I miss calling him and sharing what happened to me during the day, and hearing what his day was like.
My heart has been torn for him all day. On my way home from work, the Lord spoke to my heart saying,
"I like to introduce you as My daughter and best friend. I love it when you make time to share what happened in your day, and I relish the rare moments you allow Me to tell you about mine."
I am not sure there is much more that can be said. God has truly ravished my heart. He loves me so much. By the way, have you met my King, my Abba? He is my Best Friend. Oh, how I love Him!
Dear Un-Named Lee Alumni,
I am so thankful for your disclosure. I cannot imagine the sorrow in your heart right now, but I am so grateful that God has allowed us to communicate. Through your loss I have gained insight and revelation in my relationship with the Father. I praise God that you had an earthly father who knew how to show you Heavenly love. May your life continue to impact those around you, and may your life continue to reap the harvest of your father's legacy.
Recently, this alumni has had to deal with his father's passing to Heaven. I truly cannot imagine the pain and sorrow he is experiencing as he accepts the loss of his dear friend and father. These words remained with me throughout my shift today at work:
Alumni: My dad always introduced me as his son and best friend. I miss calling him and sharing what happened to me during the day, and hearing what his day was like.
My heart has been torn for him all day. On my way home from work, the Lord spoke to my heart saying,
"I like to introduce you as My daughter and best friend. I love it when you make time to share what happened in your day, and I relish the rare moments you allow Me to tell you about mine."
I am not sure there is much more that can be said. God has truly ravished my heart. He loves me so much. By the way, have you met my King, my Abba? He is my Best Friend. Oh, how I love Him!
Dear Un-Named Lee Alumni,
I am so thankful for your disclosure. I cannot imagine the sorrow in your heart right now, but I am so grateful that God has allowed us to communicate. Through your loss I have gained insight and revelation in my relationship with the Father. I praise God that you had an earthly father who knew how to show you Heavenly love. May your life continue to impact those around you, and may your life continue to reap the harvest of your father's legacy.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Call Me Truck Driver Lady
This weekend I...
spent some wonderful moments at Ryan's (aka The Nursing Home Cafeteria)
fell in love with Jonah all over again
said, "Thank you Jesus" after glass items fell without breaking - only 100 times
watched my Christ-like fiance' go without sleep because he loves me
realized what a good problem solver Jonah is
should have been born a princess - they do not have to move their own belongings
oh, and drove a truck! A very big truck, with lots of furniture in it!
What a great weekend....
spent some wonderful moments at Ryan's (aka The Nursing Home Cafeteria)
fell in love with Jonah all over again
said, "Thank you Jesus" after glass items fell without breaking - only 100 times
watched my Christ-like fiance' go without sleep because he loves me
realized what a good problem solver Jonah is
should have been born a princess - they do not have to move their own belongings
oh, and drove a truck! A very big truck, with lots of furniture in it!
What a great weekend....
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