If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them.
--Henry David Thoreau
I am getting quote happy...
yes, I find that when I get quote happy, it is indicitive of my heart...
my desire to live for something more than I am already.
The hope that somehow, the inspiration God has given others will spur me on to do His will...
What makes me come alive?
What draws me out of my egocentric, self pleasing mode into the lives of others?
Maybe you don't want to know, maybe no one will ever read this, that is okay. Writing it out, putting my thoughts into written words makes sense of all the mumbo jumbo in my head.
I am passionate about children -
small, impressionable, real, bubbly, vulnerable little depictions of God.
I am so aware of true life when I touch the finger of a little baby -
soft skin, pink with new blood pumping through its little body,
tender and pliable - like clay.
I am refreshed by the bursting laughter of little boys -
full of vitality, gusto, pure delight, and wonder-filled with curiosity.
I am inspired and challenged while reading about missionaries of old -
with their unwavering faith, persevering spirits, joyful hearts, and pained testimonies...
throwing themselves at the world like a blazing torch,
piercing the looming darkness.
I am made alive as those around me live -
full of hope, dreams, God given gifts and aspirations...
living examples of Christ
blazing fires for His name
as they live out His truths my heart responds
echoing their joyous living in my own life.
Oh Lord, may my life be one that is for others. Make me a blazing fire for Your name, that I would light others for Your glory.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
Ramblings of a Sojourner
I refuse to live without his presence...
without his light...
I refuse to walk without his hand in mine...
without his closeness
There is no one else that makes my heart sing...
No one else that renews my joy...
God, please don't allow me to fall for the things of this world...
Because only Your way, Your love, and Your will fulfill me.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick....homesick for Heaven?
I want to be there, in that place where God is...
bowing down at His throne, thinking about NOTHING but Him.
seeing NOTHING but His glory.
consumed by His holiness and beauty.
The more I know Him, the more I realize how little I know about Him....
or anything.
Have I ever had a moment where my heart and mind were completely focused on Him?
Not distracted at all, not even for a moment?
How can I tune out the world when it is all around me?
Where is that quiet place I yearn for?
The place where it is just He and I and we can be intimate together?
God, I want to come up higher.
I want to hear the angels cry out "Holy, Holy, Holy".
I want to join in their mighty chorus with my small voice and testify of Your
HOLINESS.
Take me to that place...
without his light...
I refuse to walk without his hand in mine...
without his closeness
There is no one else that makes my heart sing...
No one else that renews my joy...
God, please don't allow me to fall for the things of this world...
Because only Your way, Your love, and Your will fulfill me.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick....homesick for Heaven?
I want to be there, in that place where God is...
bowing down at His throne, thinking about NOTHING but Him.
seeing NOTHING but His glory.
consumed by His holiness and beauty.
The more I know Him, the more I realize how little I know about Him....
or anything.
Have I ever had a moment where my heart and mind were completely focused on Him?
Not distracted at all, not even for a moment?
How can I tune out the world when it is all around me?
Where is that quiet place I yearn for?
The place where it is just He and I and we can be intimate together?
God, I want to come up higher.
I want to hear the angels cry out "Holy, Holy, Holy".
I want to join in their mighty chorus with my small voice and testify of Your
HOLINESS.
Take me to that place...
Friday, November 27, 2009
More.
THE LORD IS GOOD AND HIS MERCY ENDURES FOREVER!
Teach me Lord to understand this fundamental truth about Who You are!!!! I want to know You, more than yesterday...I want to learn more, grow, and remain ever in passionate pursuit of You.
My heart knows that there is more...
more grace, if I would just grab hold of the altar -
more hope, if I would only reach up and take hold of His hands -
more faith, if I would stop looking at me and look into His eyes -
more fire, if I would devour His word as though it were
food for my soul -
more mercy, if I would only stop looking at where I am going and see where He has gone -
I know that there is more...
I know that it is mine...
So why don't I have it?
Because I have chosen less...
less grace, because I fear that in seeking His face, He may require something of me -
less hope, because I am afraid that holding His hands may mean relinquishing my dreams -
less faith, because I know that His eyes are full of an unquenchable flame and my little flame does not burn anything away -
less fire, because I have found that His Word is like a two edged sword and I do not want to embrace pain -
less mercy, because I am afraid that the Lord will ask me to go to the cross with Him -
This is why I have less...but how I want more -
God burn away these fears, these boundaries and walls that I have set up around my heart....
even if I cry and fight oh Lord, I pray that You would do Your work in me,
Yes, I will pray dangerously -
I must have more.
Teach me Lord to understand this fundamental truth about Who You are!!!! I want to know You, more than yesterday...I want to learn more, grow, and remain ever in passionate pursuit of You.
My heart knows that there is more...
more grace, if I would just grab hold of the altar -
more hope, if I would only reach up and take hold of His hands -
more faith, if I would stop looking at me and look into His eyes -
more fire, if I would devour His word as though it were
food for my soul -
more mercy, if I would only stop looking at where I am going and see where He has gone -
I know that there is more...
I know that it is mine...
So why don't I have it?
Because I have chosen less...
less grace, because I fear that in seeking His face, He may require something of me -
less hope, because I am afraid that holding His hands may mean relinquishing my dreams -
less faith, because I know that His eyes are full of an unquenchable flame and my little flame does not burn anything away -
less fire, because I have found that His Word is like a two edged sword and I do not want to embrace pain -
less mercy, because I am afraid that the Lord will ask me to go to the cross with Him -
This is why I have less...but how I want more -
God burn away these fears, these boundaries and walls that I have set up around my heart....
even if I cry and fight oh Lord, I pray that You would do Your work in me,
Yes, I will pray dangerously -
I must have more.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Shabbat Shalom
Yahweh.
Jehovah.
Rophe.
Shalom.
Nissi.
Yeshua.
Sidkenu.
Master.
Lover.
Refiner.
Savior.
Redeemer.
Jesus.
So many names for my King. So many attributes. What a wonder He is.
Oh, to search the depths of Him.
Lately, I have felt a strong urge to research my Jewish roots and relate Judaism to my relationship with God. So, as a faithful daughter, I have. I began worshipping with a Messianic Jewish congregation on Saturdays and resting on the Sabbath. I lit a Sabbath candle last night. A very special feeling came over me.
I also spent the day....and long into the morning, with friends. Laughing, playing, and talking about God. Nothing is more refreshing. His name, just the mention of it, makes my heart leap. I have felt this kind of love for a human...but even moreso for the King.
My response to Him is deep....deep calling unto deep.
Jonah broke his promise to me. And, yes, my heart is broken. Shattered into a thousand little, sharp pieces. Some days, or nights, the pieces scratch me, and I cry. Who will put my heart back together again? Who will touch the jagged edges and bleed for me as they piece my heart back together? Who will come and soothe me, who will rub my head and wrap me in their arms while I shake and cry? Who cares enough to sit with me for hours as I tremble and weep? Only One. Only Jesus. He will pick up the jagged edges of my broken heart at His own expense. He will place a healing salve on my heart and bind up my wounds.
As I pondered aloud the teachings of Christ and exchanged deep theological thought with friends tonight, a couple jagged edges were secured together and a little part of my heart was healed. God will surround me with strong friends to encourage my faith. Talking into the night, He will knit my heart together with friends like family. What has been taken, He will redeem. What I gave away, He will return to me.
Yes. Shabbat Shalom. Blessed, peaceful, rest.
Jehovah.
Rophe.
Shalom.
Nissi.
Yeshua.
Sidkenu.
Master.
Lover.
Refiner.
Savior.
Redeemer.
Jesus.
So many names for my King. So many attributes. What a wonder He is.
Oh, to search the depths of Him.
Lately, I have felt a strong urge to research my Jewish roots and relate Judaism to my relationship with God. So, as a faithful daughter, I have. I began worshipping with a Messianic Jewish congregation on Saturdays and resting on the Sabbath. I lit a Sabbath candle last night. A very special feeling came over me.
I also spent the day....and long into the morning, with friends. Laughing, playing, and talking about God. Nothing is more refreshing. His name, just the mention of it, makes my heart leap. I have felt this kind of love for a human...but even moreso for the King.
My response to Him is deep....deep calling unto deep.
Jonah broke his promise to me. And, yes, my heart is broken. Shattered into a thousand little, sharp pieces. Some days, or nights, the pieces scratch me, and I cry. Who will put my heart back together again? Who will touch the jagged edges and bleed for me as they piece my heart back together? Who will come and soothe me, who will rub my head and wrap me in their arms while I shake and cry? Who cares enough to sit with me for hours as I tremble and weep? Only One. Only Jesus. He will pick up the jagged edges of my broken heart at His own expense. He will place a healing salve on my heart and bind up my wounds.
As I pondered aloud the teachings of Christ and exchanged deep theological thought with friends tonight, a couple jagged edges were secured together and a little part of my heart was healed. God will surround me with strong friends to encourage my faith. Talking into the night, He will knit my heart together with friends like family. What has been taken, He will redeem. What I gave away, He will return to me.
Yes. Shabbat Shalom. Blessed, peaceful, rest.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Loving through Tears
There are some hurts to deep for words.
There is some gut wrenching, soul tearing, pain which cannot be verbalized...
Only wept.
Only screamed.
Only prayed.
Oh God, even in my darkest hour You are with me. Your right hand upholds me and is my strength.
You are my portion, my fuel, my need, my hope, all that I cling to.
As tears run rivers down my cheeks, love wells up in my heart...
I will not let this bitter root grow in me.
No I refuse to succomb to distress, pain, agony...
I choose LOVE.
LOVE covers a multitude of sins.
LOVE protects.
LOVE hopes.
LOVE saves.
As my soul longs for peace, the Lord is my Shalom.
Shalom.
Shalom.
Shalom.
Nothing can steal my Shalom.
Nothing can take away my King.
He cleaves to me like I am one with Him.
He will not be severed.
He will allow no harm to come to me.
He will seal my heart with His kisses.
He will wrap me up inside his strong arms.
He will bottle up my tears....and considers them more precious than gold.
His face will shine on me like the sun.
His gentle hands will hold up my head and wipe my tears away.
I was born to love
through my tears,
I was born to laugh
through my fears.
So do not judge if in my darkest hour, I walk out in love and give myself to others.
Do not be suprised when my dreams lie around me in shattered pieces, I laugh and stand in the face of all my fears....
Love. Love. Love.
Laugh. Laugh. Laugh.
I was born to love through my tears and laugh through my fears.
There is some gut wrenching, soul tearing, pain which cannot be verbalized...
Only wept.
Only screamed.
Only prayed.
Oh God, even in my darkest hour You are with me. Your right hand upholds me and is my strength.
You are my portion, my fuel, my need, my hope, all that I cling to.
As tears run rivers down my cheeks, love wells up in my heart...
I will not let this bitter root grow in me.
No I refuse to succomb to distress, pain, agony...
I choose LOVE.
LOVE covers a multitude of sins.
LOVE protects.
LOVE hopes.
LOVE saves.
As my soul longs for peace, the Lord is my Shalom.
Shalom.
Shalom.
Shalom.
Nothing can steal my Shalom.
Nothing can take away my King.
He cleaves to me like I am one with Him.
He will not be severed.
He will allow no harm to come to me.
He will seal my heart with His kisses.
He will wrap me up inside his strong arms.
He will bottle up my tears....and considers them more precious than gold.
His face will shine on me like the sun.
His gentle hands will hold up my head and wipe my tears away.
I was born to love
through my tears,
I was born to laugh
through my fears.
So do not judge if in my darkest hour, I walk out in love and give myself to others.
Do not be suprised when my dreams lie around me in shattered pieces, I laugh and stand in the face of all my fears....
Love. Love. Love.
Laugh. Laugh. Laugh.
I was born to love through my tears and laugh through my fears.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
153 Days!
I just returned from a weekend getaway with my future husband, and although we did not share a hotel room (because that would be scandalous), I did feel quite like a newlywed as we...
danced under the stars as the soft rain cooled our skin and the river rushed past us
sat side by side (instead of across from) one another in every restaraunt
could not stop holding hands
could not stop looking at one another
could not stop laughing at inside jokes, to the dismay of those nearby
smiled, and pecked, and pinched, and giggled, and whispered as though no one else could see
Despite our separate hotel rooms, every moment was a vision of our future together. Oh how I delight in him! He truly is the apple of my eye!
As he pulls out every chair for me
As the waiter smirks and says, "golly, she is flirting with you," as we leave the restaraunt
As he walks around the car to let me in EVERY time
As he picks up my golf ball instead of making me get it out of the hole
As he lets me "cheat" in put put so I am not too far behind him in points
Wow. My love for him grows. No one is like him. No one compares.
Mrs. Jonah Owens. With great joy I will take his name. May I honour it, as he has honoured me. May I be worthy of his name. Please Jesus, let me make him proud.
danced under the stars as the soft rain cooled our skin and the river rushed past us
sat side by side (instead of across from) one another in every restaraunt
could not stop holding hands
could not stop looking at one another
could not stop laughing at inside jokes, to the dismay of those nearby
smiled, and pecked, and pinched, and giggled, and whispered as though no one else could see
Despite our separate hotel rooms, every moment was a vision of our future together. Oh how I delight in him! He truly is the apple of my eye!
As he pulls out every chair for me
As the waiter smirks and says, "golly, she is flirting with you," as we leave the restaraunt
As he walks around the car to let me in EVERY time
As he picks up my golf ball instead of making me get it out of the hole
As he lets me "cheat" in put put so I am not too far behind him in points
Wow. My love for him grows. No one is like him. No one compares.
Mrs. Jonah Owens. With great joy I will take his name. May I honour it, as he has honoured me. May I be worthy of his name. Please Jesus, let me make him proud.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Dear Ms. Francis
Dear Ms. Francis,
Yes it is true that we only met today, and at the nursing home no less...and yet something about you has struck a chord deep within my heart. I mean, no one else has such piercing blue eyes, especially not the kind that can freeze your soul one moment and melt your heart the next. So what if you yelled at the nurses and told them you would never let the "ugly couple" by your wheelchair which obstructed our path to Miss Ann...so what if you attempted to hit me when I smiled and asked you pleasantly how your day was...so what if you snapped at me when I asked you name and replied, "none of your d%mn business"...afterall, you are 90 years old with "too many grandchildren and great granchildren to be bothered counting".
After our sloppy hellos, you did inform me that you "knew Jesus way before (I) was ever around to scream and whine". You also allowed me to hold your hand (and yelled at Jonah to get his "stinking foot out of the way") and pray for you. You also told me that I pray beautifully.
Most of all, I remember the forlorn look on your face as Jonah and I walked down the corridor to the locked exit....I remember your words echoing behind us "I am their f^c%ing prisoner! They are holding me captive in this place!" The fear and torment in your voice and the confused anguish on your face reminded me why I do not beleive in locking away the elderly. Thank you Ms. Francis for finally letting it be "my business" to know your name (since at first you explicitly informed me it was not my business at all). When I said that I would pray for you I meant it. But even moreso I pray for me, and for my generation, and for our nation. I pray that we would not view our elders as burdens, but instead as wise people with great persepctive and experience and wisdom to offer. Without the elderly in our communities we will lack so much, we will lose so much wisdom and counsel.
Jesus, teach us to love those we so often overlook. Teach us to stop in the hallways of nursing homes and ask angry widows their name....teach us to look at them with love and respect, humility and admiration. Ms. Francis has had children, raised them and now had many descendants. Dear God, forgive us for our pride and the injustice we committ to those who would offer us nothing but great courage and knowledge for the future.
Yes it is true that we only met today, and at the nursing home no less...and yet something about you has struck a chord deep within my heart. I mean, no one else has such piercing blue eyes, especially not the kind that can freeze your soul one moment and melt your heart the next. So what if you yelled at the nurses and told them you would never let the "ugly couple" by your wheelchair which obstructed our path to Miss Ann...so what if you attempted to hit me when I smiled and asked you pleasantly how your day was...so what if you snapped at me when I asked you name and replied, "none of your d%mn business"...afterall, you are 90 years old with "too many grandchildren and great granchildren to be bothered counting".
After our sloppy hellos, you did inform me that you "knew Jesus way before (I) was ever around to scream and whine". You also allowed me to hold your hand (and yelled at Jonah to get his "stinking foot out of the way") and pray for you. You also told me that I pray beautifully.
Most of all, I remember the forlorn look on your face as Jonah and I walked down the corridor to the locked exit....I remember your words echoing behind us "I am their f^c%ing prisoner! They are holding me captive in this place!" The fear and torment in your voice and the confused anguish on your face reminded me why I do not beleive in locking away the elderly. Thank you Ms. Francis for finally letting it be "my business" to know your name (since at first you explicitly informed me it was not my business at all). When I said that I would pray for you I meant it. But even moreso I pray for me, and for my generation, and for our nation. I pray that we would not view our elders as burdens, but instead as wise people with great persepctive and experience and wisdom to offer. Without the elderly in our communities we will lack so much, we will lose so much wisdom and counsel.
Jesus, teach us to love those we so often overlook. Teach us to stop in the hallways of nursing homes and ask angry widows their name....teach us to look at them with love and respect, humility and admiration. Ms. Francis has had children, raised them and now had many descendants. Dear God, forgive us for our pride and the injustice we committ to those who would offer us nothing but great courage and knowledge for the future.
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