Ramblings of a Sojourner

I refuse to live without his presence...
without his light...
I refuse to walk without his hand in mine...
without his closeness

There is no one else that makes my heart sing...
No one else that renews my joy...
God, please don't allow me to fall for the things of this world...
Because only Your way, Your love, and Your will fulfill me.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick....homesick for Heaven?
I want to be there, in that place where God is...
bowing down at His throne, thinking about NOTHING but Him.
seeing NOTHING but His glory.
consumed by His holiness and beauty.
The more I know Him, the more I realize how little I know about Him....

or anything.

Have I ever had a moment where my heart and mind were completely focused on Him?
Not distracted at all, not even for a moment?
How can I tune out the world when it is all around me?
Where is that quiet place I yearn for?
The place where it is just He and I and we can be intimate together?
God, I want to come up higher.
I want to hear the angels cry out "Holy, Holy, Holy".
I want to join in their mighty chorus with my small voice and testify of Your
HOLINESS.

Take me to that place...

More.

THE LORD IS GOOD AND HIS MERCY ENDURES FOREVER!

Teach me Lord to understand this fundamental truth about Who You are!!!! I want to know You, more than yesterday...I want to learn more, grow, and remain ever in passionate pursuit of You.

My heart knows that there is more...
more grace, if I would just grab hold of the altar -
more hope, if I would only reach up and take hold of His hands -
more faith, if I would stop looking at me and look into His eyes -
more fire, if I would devour His word as though it were
food for my soul -
more mercy, if I would only stop looking at where I am going and see where He has gone -
I know that there is more...
I know that it is mine...

So why don't I have it?

Because I have chosen less...

less grace, because I fear that in seeking His face, He may require something of me -
less hope, because I am afraid that holding His hands may mean relinquishing my dreams -
less faith, because I know that His eyes are full of an unquenchable flame and my little flame does not burn anything away -

less fire, because I have found that His Word is like a two edged sword and I do not want to embrace pain -
less mercy, because I am afraid that the Lord will ask me to go to the cross with Him -
This is why I have less...but how I want more -

God burn away these fears, these boundaries and walls that I have set up around my heart....
even if I cry and fight oh Lord, I pray that You would do Your work in me,

Yes, I will pray dangerously -
I must have more.

Shabbat Shalom

Yahweh.
Jehovah.
Rophe.
Shalom.
Nissi.
Yeshua.
Sidkenu.
Master.
Lover.
Refiner.
Savior.
Redeemer.
Jesus.

So many names for my King. So many attributes. What a wonder He is.
Oh, to search the depths of Him.

Lately, I have felt a strong urge to research my Jewish roots and relate Judaism to my relationship with God. So, as a faithful daughter, I have. I began worshipping with a Messianic Jewish congregation on Saturdays and resting on the Sabbath. I lit a Sabbath candle last night. A very special feeling came over me.
I also spent the day....and long into the morning, with friends. Laughing, playing, and talking about God. Nothing is more refreshing. His name, just the mention of it, makes my heart leap. I have felt this kind of love for a human...but even moreso for the King.

My response to Him is deep....deep calling unto deep.

Jonah broke his promise to me. And, yes, my heart is broken. Shattered into a thousand little, sharp pieces. Some days, or nights, the pieces scratch me, and I cry. Who will put my heart back together again? Who will touch the jagged edges and bleed for me as they piece my heart back together? Who will come and soothe me, who will rub my head and wrap me in their arms while I shake and cry? Who cares enough to sit with me for hours as I tremble and weep? Only One. Only Jesus. He will pick up the jagged edges of my broken heart at His own expense. He will place a healing salve on my heart and bind up my wounds.

As I pondered aloud the teachings of Christ and exchanged deep theological thought with friends tonight, a couple jagged edges were secured together and a little part of my heart was healed. God will surround me with strong friends to encourage my faith. Talking into the night, He will knit my heart together with friends like family. What has been taken, He will redeem. What I gave away, He will return to me.

Yes. Shabbat Shalom. Blessed, peaceful, rest.